TEN WAYS OF TURNING TERRIBLE TWOS
INTO TERRIFIC TWOS
Written by a mom of a two-year old

You have probably heard one of those confusing weather reports, “We’ll have a beautiful sunny day with just perhaps some brief morning clouds, and a small chance of rain. There is also a possibility of scattered thunderstorms. Some areas might see occasional snow.”

This is what a life with a toddler is like – wonderful in its unpredictability, and trying with some (or many!) of its scattered thunderstorms. But it doesn’t always have to be a battle. With some smart maneuvering, you can make this rollercoaster ride smoother and more enjoyable, both for you and your child.

1. Establish and follow a regular routine for meals, playtime, and bedtime. Having some predictability in their day will help your toddler know what to expect and ease transitions throughout the day.

2. Acknowledge your child's feelings. This is probably the most important tip, and it might be all you need during at least some meltdowns. Instead of frantically trying to find a way to stop him or her from embarrassing you in public, tell your toddler, "You really want that truck. I know. It's a very nice truck; I understand why you want it". Be sincere. You'll be amazed to find out that many (not all!) tantrums will stop as soon as your child realizes that you understand his or her needs. At this age, a lot of frustration comes from the toddler's inability to express their feelings due to the limited language skills, and knowing that a parent understands what is upsetting them will inevitably ease the frustration.

3. Always talk to your child. Talk to your child not only as you do things, but as you plan them as well. For example, when you are changing their diaper in the morning, say, "I will change your diaper, put your clothes on, then we will have breakfast, and then we will get in the car and go to the park to play with your friend Sam." You may feel silly talking like this, but if it helps to prevent another tantrum, you might find it worthwhile!

4. Be flexible. While you might not be able to call your doctor and say, "Could we postpone our appointment by half and hour, we need just a little more time to get ready", most day-to-day activities can be changed just enough to keep your little one (and yourself) happy. Is it really important to go to that music class at 10:30 am on Monday, when your child is exclaiming, "No! No! No music class!"? Maybe they have a reason to not want to participate in the circle time today, whatever that reason might be... they have a tower to build, a doll to put to bed, a worm to taste - no matter how small or silly their task at hand seems to you, listen to your child, and let them continue doing what they are doing. They will benefit a lot more from the activity they chose themselves.

5. Pick your battles. Let your child win the battles that are really not that important (it's okay to wear pajamas in public if you are two years old), and they might be more willing to let you win the ones that are really important to you.

6. Offer choices. Two, maximum, three options are enough for a two-year old, but it is important to try to always let them choose. Nobody likes to be told what to do all the time, especially toddlers! Letting them choose which t-shirt they would like to wear in the morning might just make your day a little easier.

7. Spend quality time with your child. Make sure to give your undivided attention to your toddler, even if it is just for 30 minutes a day. Let them choose what they would like to do – read a book, work on a craft projects, sing, talk… Remove all distractions, and participate in the activity of choice with your child. Even this short period will boost their level of confidence and security, and reduce, if not eliminate, the need for using tantrums as a way of getting your attention.

8. Avoid the situations that are likely to cause tantrums. Most kids are a lot less patient when they are hungry or tired. If you have to run errands, and take your child with you, make sure you have enough snacks for them to munch on while you are away from home. Try to get back home when it gets too close to a naptime or bedtime.

9. Don't reward the undesirable behavior. If your child entered a meltdown mode, because you didn't buy a toy they got really attached to at the store, acknowledge their feelings ("You are upset. You really want that truck."), but do not give in and buy it. This might just reinforce the future tantrums.

10. Analyze. Once the storm is over, and you have had a chance to take a deep breath, think. Now is the time to use that hindsight wisdom. What could you have done to prevent the tantrum? How should you have dealt with it once it started? Do you feel like you could have done better? Don't worry; there will be many more opportunities to perfect your techniques!